Olive Penderghast: The rumors of my promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated.
Marianne: There's a higher power that will judge you for your indecency.
Olive Penderghast: Tom Cruise?
Mrs. Griffith: [about Micah] He's not the sharpest Christian in the bible.
Olive Penderghast: [to Evan, about their imaginary trist] I want a one hundred dollar gift card deposited into my locker by noon tomorrow. Preferably to The Gap, but I'd also take Amazon.com, or Office Max. Actually make it Office Max - I have my eye on a label maker. We did not have sex. I let you fondle my chest, and it was a glorious moment for you. Unmatched by anything you have heretofore experienced... including cake.
Rhiannon: Just because you lost your virginity doesn't mean you can go around throwing your cat at everybody
Olive Penderghast: Do you have a religion section?
Bookstore guy: It's right over there. Can I help you with something?
Olive Penderghast: The Bible.
Bookstore guy: That's in bestsellers, right next to Twilight.